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Programmers and Non-programmers May 17, 2009

Posted by Allu in Fun.
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  How do you differentiate between programmers and non-programmers?
A non-programmer thinks there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte.
A programmer is convinced that there are 1024 meters in a kilometer.
/**************************************************************************************************/
  Ramu : I’ve just become a member of Rotrary Club.
  Somu : public member or private?
/**************************************************************************************************/
Ramu : Hey.. My submarine is not sinking into the water!!   What could be wrong?
Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.
/**************************************************************************************************/
PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500 rupees to    Suthi..?
Bull : Sure.. Why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by value or pass by reference.
/**************************************************************************************************/
Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a software engineer…
Somu : how do you say that?
Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!
/**************************************************************************************************/
Ramu : why people are beating that SW engineer black and blue?
Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether “vande mataram” is new kind of RAM in the market!
**************************************************************************************************/
Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW engineer is very very naive..
Somu : How do you say that?
Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea .
**************************************************************************************************/
Ramu : Hey…. whats time now?
Somu : System time or local time.
/**************************************************************************************************/
And dont miss the last one, it’s THE BEST !
4 Easy Steps from dummies to Transfer Files in Windows! 
  1.   Right click the mouse on the file to transfer and select cut option. 
  2.   Disconnect the mouse from that PC,   
  3.  take that mouse carefully and connect     i t     to the other PC where you want to copy that file and   
  4.  try to paste it  there ….!!!!!!!!!
 

INSTALLING LOVE May 17, 2009

Posted by Allu in Fun.
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  “INSTALLING LOVE”

      Tech Support: Yes, … how can I help you?
      Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install
Love. Can you guide me though the process?

      Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
      Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do
I do first?
      Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located
your Heart?
      Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it
okay to install Love while they are running?
      Tech Support: What programs are running ?
      Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now.
      Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it
will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low
Self-Esteem with a module of its own! called High Self-Esteem. ! However,
you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs
prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

      Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
      Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment
have been completely erased.

      Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?
      Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

      Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error –
Program not run on external components ” What should I do?

      Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to
run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you
can Love others.

      Customer: So, what should I do?
      Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following
files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

      Customer: Okay, done.
      Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system
will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming.
Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and
empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone ! and never comes
back.

      Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is
playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all
over My Heart. Is this normal?

      Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually
everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One
more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its
various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others
and return some cool modules back to you.

      Customer: Thank you, God.

      Please send this to every one you know. If you delete, that is okay,
God’s love is not based on emails.
Have a wonderful day……..
And spread God’s love to everyone you meet…….

In case of Emergency (ICE) January 16, 2007

Posted by Allu in Info.
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Isn’t  it  true  that  we  all  carry  our  mobile  phones with hundreds of names/numbers  stored  in  its memory but yet nobody, other than ourselves, know which of these numbers belong to our near and dear ones? Let us for a moment create a scenario wherein (God forbid) We  are  involved  in  an  accident  or  had  a heart attack and the people attending  us  get hold of our mobile phone but don’t’ know which number to call  to  inform  our  family  members.  Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency? For  this  reason,  we must have one or more telephone numbers stored under the name ICE (In Case of Emergency) in our mobile phones. Read below for more details…..Recently,  the  concept  of   “ICE” is catching up quickly. It is simple, an important method of contact during emergency situations. As  cell  phones are carried by majority of the population, all you need to do  is  store  the  number  of  a  contact  person  or person who should be contacted at during emergency as “ICE” (meaning In Case of Emergency). The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when they went to the scenes  of  accidents,  there  were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn’t know which number to call. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose. Following a disaster in  
London, the East Anglican Ambulance Service has launched a national "In case of Emergency (ICE)" campaign.
In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital staff would then be able to quickly contact your next of kin, by simply dialing the number stored as "ICE". Please forward this.  It won’t take too many “forwards” before every body will know about this. It really could save your life, or put a loved one’s mind at rest.

For more than one contact name enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc. A great idea that will make a difference!

Gas Cylinder – Safety Tip January 15, 2007

Posted by Allu in Info.
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Have U ever heard about LPG gas cylinder’s expire date. Now one question is – How to find LPG cylinder’s expiry date? A very important information. Most of us do not know this.Do you know that there is an expiry date (physical life) for LPG cylinders?

Expired Cylinders are not safe for use and may cause accidents. In this regard please be cautious at the time of accepting any LPG cylinder from the Vendor. Here is how we can check the expiry of LPG cylinders:

On one of three side stems of the cylinder, the expiry date is coded alpha numerically as follows A or B or C or D and some two digit number following this e.g. D06.

The alphabets stand for quarters –
A for March (First Qtr),
B for June (Second Qtr),
C for Sept (Third Qtr), &
D for December (FourthQtr).
The digits stand for the year till it is valid. Hence D06 would mean December qtr of 2006.

Share this message with everyone you know, UR kind cooperation will Save the life of many people and create awareness among the public.

Is computer male or female? January 10, 2007

Posted by Allu in Fun.
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computer.gif

10 Tips for BRAIN HEALTH January 7, 2007

Posted by Allu in Info.
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“There is a lot we can do to keep our brains healthy and potentially prevent or lessen the cognitive decline that often comes with aging,” Daniel Perry, executive director of the nonprofit Alliance for Aging Research, said in a prepared statement. “We are encouraging people to take steps to improve brain health as part of their overall fitness regimen for the New Year.”

The Alliance for Aging Research recommends these 10 steps for improving your brain health.

  • Eat a Brain-Healthy Diet. A diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids (commonly found in fish), protein, antioxidants, fruits and vegetables and vitamin B; low in trans fats; and with an appropriate level of carbohydrates will help keep your brain healthy.
  • Stay Mentally Active. Activities such as learning a new skill or language, working on crossword puzzles, taking classes, and learning how to dance can help challenge and maintain your mental functioning.
  • Exercise Regularly. Exercising often can increase circulation, improve coordination, and help prevent conditions that increase the risk of dementia such as heart disease, stroke and diabetes.
  • Stay Social. Spending time with friends, volunteering, and traveling can keep your mind active and healthy.
  • Get Plenty of Sleep. Not getting enough sleep can have a negative impact on brain health.
  • Manage Stress. Participating in yoga, spending time with friends, or doing other stress-relieving activities can help preserve your ability to remember and learn.
  • Prevent Brain Injury. Wearing protective head gear and seat belts can help you avoid head injury, which has been associated with an increased risk of dementia.
  • Control Other Health Conditions. Maintaining a healthy weight, exercising, eating a well-balanced and nutritious diet, and controlling stress can help reduce your risk of diseases that affect your brain, including diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and hypertension.
  • Avoid Unhealthy Habits. Smoking, heavy drinking and use of recreational drugs can increase the risk of dementia and cognitive decline.
  • Consider Your Genes. If your family history puts you at risk for developing dementia, work with your doctor to find ways to maintain your brain health to help avoid or slow the progression of cognitive decline.

Traditional & Software Economics January 4, 2007

Posted by Allu in Fun.
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Traditional Economics
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

Software Economics
Client has 2 cows and you need to milk them

1. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)

5. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

7. You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8. Redo step 4

9. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly (Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the cows aged and can’t milk. (The software got old. Get ready for next release! Repeat from step 1!!!

Watch Movies in MsPaint December 27, 2006

Posted by Allu in Tech.
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Did you know that you can really watch movies in paint ?
Here’s what you gotta do :
1) Open your favorite movie palyer and play the movie
2) Hit “PrintScreen”, keep playing the movie in the player, don’t stop it.
3) Open MsPaint.
4) Select “Edit>Paste” Or Hit “CTRL+V”
5) Presto! You can watch movies in Paint!
6) But there are no Pause, Next, Previous, Stop etc. buttons
7) Experiment with other formats too, it doesn’t play DivX , Flash movies, etc.
I Am Not The Best But I Am Not Like Rest !!!!!!!!!!!!.. ……… .